13/08/18 That Personality Profoundly Influences Behavior

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got Married

Sub-topic: Neatniks and Slobs

Then there are the Neatnik and the Slob. “I’ve never known anyone as sloppy as Ben,” said Alicia.
How many wives have said this about their husbands less than a year after their wedding?
Interestingly, before marriage this never bothered Alicia. Oh, she may have noticed that the car wassometimes messy or that his apartment was not as neat as she would have had it, but somehow she
concluded that “Ben is a more relaxed person than I am. That’s good; I like that. I need to loosen up alittle.”

Ben, on the other hand, looked at Alicia and found an angel. “Isn’t it wonderful that Alicia isalways so tidy? Now I don’t have to worry about keeping everything clean because she will take careof that.” However, three years later he is being bombarded with verbal stones of condemnation towhich he responds, “I don’t understand why you would get so upset over a few dishes left out.”

Some people do live by the motto “A place for everything and everything in its place.”

Otherpeople have no compulsion to put away their tools, clothes, used coffee mugs, or anything else. Afterall, they may use them again in a week or two. They reason, “Why would you want to waste timepicking up dirty clothes every day? Leave them on the floor until it’s time to wash them. They aren’tgoing anywhere and they don’t bother me.”

Yes, we are wired differently and have difficulty understanding why the other person would notsee it our way. This personality difference is not hard to discover; it simply requires that during therelationship, you keep your eyes open to reality. Look at his car and his apartment and you will knowwhether he is a Neatnik or a Slob. Look at her kitchen and her bedroom closet and you will also knowwhich personality pattern is natural for her. If the two of you fall into the same category, you willeither have an immaculate home or a place where you have to step over the clutter. But both of youwill be happy. If you fall into different categories, then now is the time for negotiation. Face realityand discuss who will be responsible for what after you are married in order to keep some level ofemotional sanity. If she is willing to pick up his dirty clothes daily and put them in the laundry hamperas his mother did when he was in high school, this is fine.

However, if she expects him to be moreresponsible, then he must be willing to change or else hire his mother to come over daily to pick uphis clothes. Certainly a satisfactory solution can be negotiated—but the time to start negotiation is before marriage.

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10/08/18. That Personality Profoundly Influences Behavior

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got Married

The answer to this personality difference lies in understanding and accepting the differences, and not condemning each other for being who they are.

They must then negotiate a method of honoring each other’s personality. One such plan may be to agree on a dollar amount that the couple would have in secure investments before the optimist would engage in high-risk investments. Once this minimum level of investments is in place, they could agree on a dollar amount that he could invest in a higher-risk investment with the understanding that if he lost it all, she would not condemn him. On the other hand, if the investment is successful, she commends him for his investment skills and together they celebrate their financial success.

If a courting couple is willing to negotiate these kinds of arrangements before they get married, they will save themselves many unnecessary arguments over how they will handle the finances. The same principle is true in scores of other areas in which the pessimist and the optimist are likely to have very different views about the action that should be taken.

Understanding, accepting, and negotiating personality differences are essential in building a foundation for a healthy marriage.

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gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

09/08/18 That Personality Profoundly Influences Behavior

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got Married

Two years after marriage when he suggests that the two of them go rock climbing, she stronglyresists the idea. Not only is she unwilling, she also resists the idea of him going alone or with friends.
She can envision herself being a widow and cannot understand why he would be willing to take sucha risk. On the other hand, he is totally blown away by her response. He wonders what happened toher spirit of adventure. Why is she being such a killjoy?
Because they failed to discover and discuss this personality difference before marriage, they findthemselves embroiled in a conflict that neither of them understands. In reality, they are both simplybeing who they are, an optimist and a pessimist. The problem is neither of them knew who the otherperson was before they got married. The euphoria of the dating experience blinded them to thispersonality difference. Had they discussed this difference before marriage, he would have realizedthat she would never be a rock climber, nor would she ever go skydiving with him. He would alsohave realized that if he chose to do such things, he would do so in the face of great resistance from hiswife.�

This personality difference is likely to create conflicts in the area of money management. Theoptimist will tend to be an adventurous investor, willing to take huge levels of risk with the hope ofpositive results. On the other hand, the pessimist will want to invest in more stable and securemarkets. They will spend sleepless nights if the spouse pulls them into a high-risk investment. And if
the investment goes south, the pessimist will blame the optimist for taking undue risks with theirmoney. The optimist is likely to see the pessimist as being non-supportive of their ideas and thus,blame the spouse for “holding them back” from success.

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gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

08/08/18. That Personality Profoundly Influences Behavior

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

Half Full or Half Empty?

Let’s look at some of the other personality differences that often go undiscovered and undiscussedbefore marriage. The pessimist and the optimist are often attracted to each other. The optimist sees
the glass as half full; the pessimist sees it as half empty. The optimist sees the possibilities while thepessimist sees the problems. Each of us has a basic leaning in one direction or the other, but we areoften unaware of this aspect of our personality.

In the early stage of the relationship, we each assume that the other person views theworld as we view it. Because we are each enamored with the other and seeking to accommodate each other, this personality difference may not be apparent. For example, the optimist tends to be a risk taker becausehe is convinced in his own mind that everything will turn out fine. Thus, he may suggest that the two of
them go bungee jumping. The pessimist by nature does not want to take risks because she assumes thatthe worst could happen. Therefore, she would never have entertained the thought of bungee jumping,but because she admires and trusts her lover, she is willing to do something she would never have
done on her own. The optimist is thrilled to be in relationship with someone who is willing to be adventuresome,
while never realizing that she has gone far beyond her emotional comfort zone.

To be continued tomorrow by God's grace.

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#uniquebeings
#anniesentcares
#Dominion2018
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gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

07/08/18 That Personality Profoundly Influences Behavior

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

A morning person will never become a night person, and a night person will never
become a morning person.
If Karolyn and I had known that I was a morning person and she was a night person, and if we hadused our dating time to discuss this personality difference, we would have saved ourselves a lot of emotional pain. I would not have felt rejected because she was not having breakfast with me, and shewould not have felt controlled by my insisting that she go to bed at 10 p.m. Yes, I wish we had knownthat personality differences profoundly influence behavior.

Settle individual differences

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gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

02/08/18. That Personality Profoundly Influences Behavior

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

Is there hope for this couple?
Certainly, if they choose to respect their differences and negotiate a solution. For example, thenight person may agree to have sex at 10 p.m. if the morning person will allow them to leave the
bedroom after love-making and pursue their other interests until midnight. However, if the morningperson insists that the night person remain in bed after making love, that person may feel manipulated,controlled, and frustrated. A morning person will never become a night person, and a night person
will never become a morning person. It’s a part of our personality. With effort, we can push
ourselves to be functional in those early or late hours that are not prime time for us. But it will nev�er without an effort.

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#uniquebeings
#anniesentcares
#Dominion2018
#songsofvictoryontheway
#yearofvictory
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#Blessedday

gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

1/8/18 That Personality Profoundly Influences Behavior

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

Neither of us knew before marriage that there are "morning persons" and there are "night persons:" Morning persons awake with the enthusiasm of a kangaroo, springing to face the day with the excitement, while the night person hides under the covers and thinks, "They must be playing a game-no one can be that excited in the morning."
Night persons have their "prime time" from 10p.m. until... That's when they enjoy reading, painting, playing games, doing anything that demands a lot of energy, while the morning person is quickly fading at that hour.

This personality difference may have a profound impact upon the couple's sexual relationship. The morning person wants to go to bed at ten, cuddle, and make love, while the night person is saying, "You have got to be kidding. I can't go to bed this early." The morning person may feel rejected, while the night person feels like they are being controlled. This may lead to arguments and frustration. Is there hope for this couple?

#Amos3:3
#uniquebeings
#anniesentcares
#Dominion2018
#songsofvictoryontheway
#yearofvictory
#lightilluminates
#Blessedday

gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com