31/07/18. That Personality profoundly Influences Behavior

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married
On the other hand, before we got married Karolyn had visions of what the two of us would do between 10pm and midnight. Her visions included reading and discussing books, watching movies together, playing intellectually stimulating games, and discussing the deeper issues of life. What she did not know was that my physical, emotional, and intellectual motor shut down at 10pm. The possibility of my carrying on an intelligent conversation was greatly diminished after that hour. It is true while we were courting, I stayed alive and engaged her till midnight. But I pushed along the euphoric feelings of "being in love." The excitement of being with her and doing things together kept the adrenalin flowing, and she had no idea that this would not continue after we were married.

(Can you see that, it happens to us all.)

#Amos3:3
#uniquebeings
#anniesentcares
#Dominion2018
#songsofvictoryontheway
#yearofvictory
#lightilluminates
#Blessedday

gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

30/07/18. That Personality profoundly Influences Behavior

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

No one questions the axiom that we are all unique. The question is, how unique? I wish I'd known that personality (those characteristics that make us unique) would profoundly affect our marriage.

Before we got married, I dreamed about how wonderful it would be to get up every morning and have breakfast with my wife. After we got married, I found out that Karolyn didn't do mornings. Breakfast was not her "thing." Upon reflection I did remember that during the dating years, she told me, "Don't call me in the mornings. I'm not responsible for what I say or do before noon." I took it as a joke and laughed. I never called her in the morning because I was busy "doing my own things."
After marriage I discovered that she was serious. My dream of a quiet romantic breakfast with my wife was shattered in the first month of our marriage. I was left to eat breakfast in silence, except for the songs the birds were singing outside the window.

#Amos3:3
#uniquebeings
#anniesentcares
#Dominion2018
#songsofvictoryontheway
#yearofvictory
#lightilluminates
#Blessedday

gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

27/06/18. That Spirituality is not Equated with"Going to Church"

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

Matt agreed to give up Sunday morning golf and began attending church with Jill. Jill agreed that she would join him looking for a church that he would find more engaging. They found such a church, and together, they are deeply involved not only in attendance but are involved weekly in teaching a fifth-grade children's class.
Incidentally, they now a three-year old son. Both agree that they are glad they found a meeting place in their Spiritual journey before their son was born.

Religious beliefs are often accompanied by strong emotions and deeply held convictions. Even atheists often hold their non-God views tenaciously, and those beliefs affect the way they approach life. In that sense, though they deny the existence of God, they are deeply religious.
Because our religious beliefs affect all of life, it is very important that we explore the foundation of spiritual COMPATIBILITY before we make the commitment to marriage.
I hope this chapter will help you do that.
Ponder on the following.
1) What are the basic religious beliefs of my parents?

2) Where am I on my spiritual journey?

3) How do my religious beliefs affect my daily lifestyle?

4)Do you think you hold enough in common to build spiritual intimacy in your Marriage?

Book Review continues Next Week by God's grace

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#faithworks
#garychapman
#blessedday

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

02/11/19. That Spirituality is not to be Equated with "Going to Church"

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

For many couples in relationship, spirituality is an unexplored topic. They simply assume that this area of life will take care of itself after marriage. Others who openly discuss matters of spirituality often ignore the warning signs. They are so in love with each other, enjoy being with each other, and can use themselves making each other happy for the rest of their lives, and they close their eyes to huge differences in their lives, and they close their eyes to huge differences in their views of spirituality.

Jill and Matt, the couple we met at the beginning of this chapter, eventually discovered spiritual intimacy. After several counseling sessions in which I helped them listen to the heart of the other person and try to understand how important this issue is to them, they were able to affirm each other's concerns and become friends instead of enemies.
Once they moved from an adversarial relationship to a relationship to a friendship where two people were trying to understand each other and solve a conflict rather than win an argument, the resolution became rather easy.

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#wisdommatters
#garychapman
#favouredMonth

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

25/07/18. That Spirituality is not to be Equated with "Going to Church"

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married
I remember the young lady who said to me, "I've been in a relationship with Andrew for three years. When we started, he told me that he was a Christian. We have many common interests and we have many wonderful times together. But I realized that we are not marching to the beat of the same drummer when it comes to spirituality. For him, Christianity is a religion; something you do on Sunday but it has little relevance to how he makes decisions and lives his life. For me Christianity is my life. Nothing is more important to me than investing my life in serving Christ. I realize that we don't have the spiritual foundation on which to build a Christian marriage. Therefore I am breaking off our relationship."

I think this young lady is extremely mature. If after 3years she had seen little spiritual movement on his part to become more personally involved in his relationship with God, to think that we could CHANGE AFTER MARRIAGE WOULD BE NAIVE. Three years later, she married a young man who had a similar level of commitment to his faith in Christ and the two of them are in the process of building a truly Christian Marriage.

LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP.

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#wisdommatters
#garychapman
#favouredday

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

24/07/18. That spirituality is not to be Equated with "Going to Church"

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

WHAT KIND OF "CHRISTIAN"?
Thus far, I have been talking about theological differences in faith and practice, but now let me turn to the personal side.
We clearly recognize that there are different levels of commitment among Christians. For example, some people who call themselves Christians attend church only during the Easter and Christmas holidays. Other than those holidays, their religion tends to influence them very little. On the other hand, there are many who attend church on a regular basis. For some, it is once in a week event...,some believe in regular worship...

Thus, it becomes extremely important to discover what kind of Christian you are in a relationship with.

What is thier level of commitment and involvement in the Christian community? How important is their faith to them? And what kind of impact does it have on their personal life?

It should be obvious that an Easter-Christmas Christian is very different from a daily "quite-time" Christian.

Watch out before marriage.

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#wisdommatters
#garychapman
#favouredday

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

23/07/18That Spirituality is not to be Equated with"Going to Church"

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

EXPLORING 80 BRANCHES

Inasmuch as 80% of the population of the United States claims Christianity as their religion and inasmuch as this is my own personal religious heritage, let me explore with my Christian readers additional issues that I think need to be addressed before decision to marry.

There are three major branches of Christiendom. Eastern Orthodoxy, Roman Catholicism, and Protestantism.
While these three agree on certain core beliefs, such as Divinity of Christ, His sacrificial death, and His resurrection from the dead, they disagree on many other issues.

If you are contemplating marriage to someone outside your own Christian tradition, i urge to explore both the traditions and seek to negotiate your differences. To marry simply because you are "in love" and to ignore the implications of these spiritual differences are signs are immaturity... Assuming that both are members of the same Christian tradition, it is time to examine the finer points of belief and practice. 

These differences need to be fully explored if you are contemplating marriage.

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#wisdommatters
#garychapman
#favouredday

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

21/07/18. That Spirituality is not to be Equated with"Going to Church"

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

It has been my observation that many people come to adulthood never having explored their own spiritual beliefs system.
Personally, they've not explored the fundamental beliefs of their religion. Note that we do not choose our family, and the religion, into which we are born. But as adults, we have the responsibility to seek truth in all areas of life. If you realize that your religion is simply cultural artifact, I would encourage you to take the time to explore the history and beliefs of your religious heritage and discuss your journey openly with the person you are in  relationship with.
If you cannot be honest and open about your religious beliefs before marriage, you are not likely to does after marriage and your religious beliefs will likely become a source of conflict.

#Amos:3:3
#genesis1
#hebrews1
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#wisdommatters
#garychapman
#favouredday

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

19/07/18. That Spirituality is not to be Equated with "Going to Church"

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

What Do You Think About God?

So what are the issues that need to be looked at?

First, there is one's concept of God. The
Hebrew scriptures begin with these words: "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. A few paragraphs later read, "So God created human beings in his own image, in the image of God he created them; make and female he created them."
ARE THESE WORDS TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY?
IS THERE A TRANSCENDENT, POWERFUL CREATOR WHO NOT ONLY CREATED THE UNIVERSE BUT MADE MAN IN HIS IMAGE?
OR IS IT SIMPLY TO BE TAKEN AS AN HEBREW MYTHOLOGY?

Your answer to those questions will have a profound impact on your self-perception and how you live your life. If you agree that God exist as the creator and sustainer of the universe, the next question is "Has God spoken?"
The Christian scriptures affirm, "In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful words. After he had provided purification for sins he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven:"

WHAT HAS HE SAID AND HOW HAVE I RESPONDED TO HIS MESSAGE?

These are fundamental questions that need to be answered honestly.

#Amos:3:3
#genesis1
#hebrews1
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#wisdommatters
#garychapman
#favouredday

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

18/07/18 That Spirituality is not to be Equated with "Going to Church"

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

Matt and Jill were one of many couples who have sat in my office over the years and shared the conflicts over their religious beliefs. And yet spirituality is often the last thing to be discussed in marriage relationships today.

Infact many couples never get around to discuss their religious beliefs at all. As a counselor, I find this extremely disappointing.

In anthropology, it is believed that man is incurably religious and religious beliefs greatly influence the behavior of those who believe them.

Therefore, when couples are contemplating marriage, religion needs to be near the top of the list in matters that need to be discussed.

Are our spiritual beliefs compatible?
Are we marching the beat of the same drummer?

Few things have the potential for causing marital conflict more than divergent spiritual views. That is why most world religions encourage their adherents to marry within their religious tradition.

In the Christian faith, the scripture admonish, "Do not unequally yoked together with unbelievers:
for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?
and what communion hath light with darkness?
And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols?
for ye are the temple of the living God..."

These questions are cogent and wise couple will not avoid them.

#Amos:3:3
#2corinthians6:14-16
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#wisdommatters
#garychapman
#happynewweek
#blessedday

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

17/06/18 That Spirituality is not Equated with "Going to Church."

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

For Jill (Matt's husband), the issue seemed to be attending church versus not attending church. However,attached had a totally different perspective on spirituality. He did not grow up attending church. While a student at the University, he had become involved in a student-led organization. After several months of attending meetings, and reading the Bible and other Christian books, he had come to consider himself a Christian. While he and Jill were in a relationship, he attended church with her every Sunday and found it interesting. But now that he was out of college and working full-time, he found the church services to be much predictable and did not find the sermons to be very helpful. He sincerely felt closer to God on the golf course than he did at church. He could not understand why attending church was such a big deal for Jill.
On the other hand, Jill was devastated. Attending church with other christians was one of the tents of her faith. It was unthinkable that a good Christian would not go to church. "What will we do when we have children?" She asked. "I can't bear the thought of my children not going to church." I could tell that Matt was getting frustrated.
"Jill, we don't have children," he said. "We can cross that bridge when we get there."

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#wisdommatters
#garychapman
#happynewweek
#blessedday

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

16/07/18. That Spirituality is not Equated with "GOING TO CHURCH"

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

Nine months after the wedding, Jill and Matt say in my office, Jill said, "We've got a problem and we don't know how to solve it." So, what's the problem?" I inquired.
"Matt doesn't want to go to church with me anymore. He says that church is boring and that he feels closer to God on the golf course than he does in church. So for the last month, he drives off to the golf course while I drive to church. It doesn't seem right to me. I never dreamed that this would happen.

"Before we got married, Matt went to church with me every Sunday. He always seemed to like it. We discussed the sermons. He told me that he was a Christian, but how can you be a Christian and not want to go to church? He says that I'm judging him and maybe I am. But deeply hurt and I'm beginning to feel that maybe we made a mistake by getting married."

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#wisdommatters
#garychapman
#happynewweek
#favouredday

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

13/07/18. HOPE IN GOD

HYMN

1. My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

2. When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

GRACED RECIPE
"Inferiority complexity can lead wrong decisions as relationships."

My advice, "Don't look down on yourself."
You are unique and special.
Hope in God and you will laugh best.

#johnstainer1873

#goodmorning

#anniesentcares

#songsofvictoryontheway

#yearofvictory

gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

12/07/18. KEEP HIS FEAR AT HEART

WORD COUNT
By mercy and truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the LORD men depart from evil.

GRACED RECIPE
The fear of the Lord retrains us from ALL appearances of evil which include sex before marriage (fornication), oral sex, ungodly associations...just to mention a few.

All these cautions does not change God but for our good.

#proverbs6:16
#choosesexualpurity
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#yearofvictory
#songsofvictoryontheway
gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

11/07/18. PEACE

WORD COUNT
"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

GRACED RECIPE
You can only enjoy the peace of God when you are living on obedience to his instructions in all the relationships you keep.

No human relationship promises peace outside the godfactor.

Selah!

#philippians4:7
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#yearofvictory
#songsofvictoryontheway
#liveinobedience

gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

10/07/18 PICK A RACE

WORD COUNT
"Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

GRACED RECIPE
Learn to RUN from all appearances of evil. It's for the good and safety of your destiny.

Selah!

#1Timothy2:22
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#songsofvictoryontheway
#yearofvictory
#fleefromimmorality
#blessedday

09/07/18. MAJOR REQUIREMENT

WORD COUNT
"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered."

GRACED RECIPE
Obtaining the right godly knowledge is a major requirement for all successful relationships.

So, get knowledge.

Book review continues next week by God's grace.

#1Peter3:7
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#yearofvictory
#newsongsontheway
#getknowledge

gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

06/07/18. That I Was Marrying Into A Family

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

LEARNING THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE
My final suggestion for maintaining good and positive in-law relationship is to learn the primary love language of your in-laws and speak their love language regularly.

When your in-laws feel genuinely loved, it creates positive climate in which to negotiate differences. Nothing communicates love more deeply than speaking the right love language. When families effectively communicates love, they create positive in-law relationship.

Karolyn's father was deceased before we got married. When I finished graduate studies and moved closer to our families, her mother was my cheer leader. Her love language was acts of service. After I painted the house for her, I could do no wrong. My parents are helpful, positive, and never overbearing. I certainly would not have been prepared to deal with in-law conflicts. Karolyn and I never discussed the subject. I realize now how naive we were. The hundreds of couples who have walked through my counseling office have made me realize that we were the exception. Having good in-law relationship normally requires time and effort.
I'm hoping that this chapter will help two of you surface potential areas of conflict with your extended families and to talk about how you will handle these issues. The more thoroughly you do this before marriage, the less likely you are to be blind-sided once you are married.

Wow! End of chapter 10. See you next week as we move to chapter 11(Spirituality is not to be equated with 'going to church.')

I hope we are still together.

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#newlargefamily
#wisdommatters
#garychapman
#favouredday

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

05/07/18. That I Was Marrying Into a Family

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

LEARNING TO NEGOTIATE

The third ingredient to having good relationship with your in-laws is learning to negotiate differences. Negotiation begins by someone making a proposal. Jeremy said to his wife's parents, "I know that you would like us to be here for Christmas day and celebrate with the family. My parents, of course, have the same desire. Because you are 500 miles apart, we know that we can't be at both places on the same day. I'm wondering about alternating between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We could give you guys the Christmas next year, we would reserve the order. I'm just trying to find something that will work for both families."
Jeremy made a proposal. Now his in-laws have the opportunity to accept the proposal of their own. It is the process of listening and respecting each other's ideas that allows the process of negotiation to go forward. Eventually, you reach a solution that everyone can agree eand the relationship with your in-laws is strengthened.
Negotiation is enhanced when you are making requests not demands.

(My thought:Keep the relationship positive despite your reservations)
To be continued tomorrow by God's grace.

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#newlargefamily
#wisdommatters
#garychapman
#favouredday

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

04/07/18 That I Was Marrying Into a Family

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married
Empathetic listening does not require you to agree with other person's ideas, but it does require you to treat them and their ideas with kindness, they are far more likely to respect your ideas and treat you kindly. Mutual understanding and mutual respect grows out of empathetic listening.

When communicating with in-laws, always speak for yourself. Instead of saying, "You hurt my feelings when you said that." When you start your sentence with 'I' you are giving your perspective. When you begin your sentence with "you", you are placing blame and will likely experience a defensive response from your in-laws. The husband who says, "I feel frustrated when Kimberly tells me that every time you talk you mention your husband's problem with alcohol and verbal abuse. I'm wondering if you want us to do something and if so, what do you think we could do?" will likely open the door to a meaningful conversation.

To be continued tomorrow by God's grace.

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#newlargefamily
#wisdommatters
#garychapman
#favouredday
#happynewmonth

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

03/07/18 That I Was Marrying Into a Family

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

Learning to Listen
So, how do you build a positive relationship with your in-laws? I want to suggest that the process begins by learning to listen empathetically. By empathetic listening, I mean listening with a view to understanding what your in-laws think, how they came to that conclusion, and how strongly they feel about it.

By nature, most of us are not good listeners. We often listen long enough to give a rebuttal and we end up in needless arguments. Empathetic listening holds judgement until you are certain that you understand what the person is saying. This involves asking clarifying questions such as, "What I understand you to be saying is... Is that correct?" Or, "It sounds like you are asking me to...is that what you want?" Once you have listened long enough to clearly understand what they are saying and how strongly they feel about it, you are then free to give your perspective on the subject. Because you have listened to them without condemnation, they are far more likely to hear your honest perspective.
To be continued tomorrow by God's grace.

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#newlargefamily
#wisdommatters
#garychapman
#favouredday
#happynewmonth

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

02/06/18. That I Was Marrying Into a Family

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

...Your in-laws will also have expectations... Some of these expectations will have religious overtones. A young wife said, "I found out that when we spend week with his parents, they expect us to go to the church with them on Friday nights even though both of us are christians. I feel very uncomfortable but I don't want to hurt their feelings. I'm wondering if, when they come to visit us, they will go to church with us on Sunday: 'Her husband said, "When we go to visit her folks for a weekend, they expect me to wear a suit when I go to church with them on Sunday morning. We attend contemporary church and I only have one suit that I bought for my grandmother's funeral five years ago. I feel uncomfortable wearing it."
Your in-laws may also have strongly held beliefs that differ from yours. (You need wisdom to balance it.)

Learning to Listen
In these and numerous other areas, you will discover that your in-laws are individuals who have unique thoughts, feelings and desires. These May differ from yours. So how do you build a balance positive relationship with your in-laws?

To be continued tomorrow by God's grace.

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#newlargefamily
#wisdommatters
#garychapman
#favouredday
#happynewmonth

Gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com