31/05/18 THAT TOILETS ARE NOT SELF-CLEANING

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Book Review

One of the learning exercises that I have done in premarital counseling is to have a list of all the things her father did around the house and all the responsibilities that her mother accepted. I asked the young man to do the same. Once the lists are made, we examine them to see where their parental models are similar and different. Then I challenge the couple to have a lengthy discussion on how they expect their own marriage to be similar and different from their parental models. To ignore or to deny the influence of parental models on your own expectations is a sign of immaturity. The mature couple will openly and honestly share their own expectations and, where they have differences of opinion, will negotiate an agreement about marital roles before they get married.

To be continued tomorrow by God's grace.

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#understandeachother
#liveinharmony

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30/05/18 THAT TOILETS ARE NOT SELF-CLEANING

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

BOOK REVIEW: WHO DOES WHAT?
I raise this issue not because I am overly concerned about who will clean the toilet. However, I am greatly concerned that you will enter marriage never having discussed who is going to do what after you get married. It is what the sociologists call "marital roles:" Confusion over roles is one of the most stressful aspects of contemporary marriages.

In earlier generations where the husband was the provider and the wife the homemaker, there was little confusion about who would do what.

However, in today's world, where most young wives have their own careers, they expect their husbands to be majorly involved in household duties. If the two of you do not discuss and agree upon who will do what, you will find this to be a major source of conflict in the early months of marriage.

To be continued tomorrow by God's grace.

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#understandeachother
#liveinharmony

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29/05/18 THAT TOILETS ARE NOT SELF-CLEANING

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

BOOK REVIEW: CHAPTER 7
Before marriage, I never considered the idea that I would someday be a toilet cleaner. Actually, I became so good at it that the second semester, I got a part-time job with a professional toilet cleaning company. And I went from business to business, cleaning toilets. After I got professional training, clean our little toilet in our little apartment was a breeze.

Let me ask you a personal question. If and when you get married, who do you think will clean the toilet in your apartment or house? I have discovered in premarital counseling that most men think their wife will clean it while most women think their husband will clean it.

Without premarital counseling, most couples never even think about who will clean the toilet and three weeks after wedding, they too discover that toilets are not self-cleaning.
To be continued tomorrow by God's grace.

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#understandeachother
#liveinharmony

gracedrelationshiprecipe.blogspot.com

28/05/18 THAT TOILETS ARE NOT SELF-CLEANING

Word count:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

BOOK REVIEW: CHAPTER 7

In the home in which I grew up, the toilet was never dirty. It never crossed my mind that someone was cleaning it. To this day, I don't know whether it was my mother or my father. I never saw anyone cleaning the toilet. Two weeks after Karolyn and I got married, I enrolled in graduate school and we lived in student housing. It was a small apartment but it was clean and nice. About three weeks later, I noticed that the toilet had dark stains. (By this time I knew that toilets had to be cleaned. After all I was in graduate school.)
I mentioned it to Karolyn and she said, "I know. I was wondering when you were going to clean it."

"Clean it?!" I said. "I thought you were going to clean it. I don't know how to clean a toilet:" 'Well then, let me teach you;' she said. "Can't you get something that will automatically clean it when it flushes?" She answered. "They're a waste of money."

To be continued tomorrow by God's grace.

Book review: Things I wish I'd known before we got married

#Amos:3:3
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#understandeachother
#liveinharmony

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25/05/18 EXAMPLES 2

Word Count

"Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an EXAMPLE, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire."

Today's Recipe
Lessons will always be learnt from all situations and circumstances.

Believe me, the harm attached to fornication and adultery is beyond the pleasure of few minutes.

Ask the citizens of Sodom and Gomorrha in the Bible.

#Jude:1:7
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#songsofvictory
#fleefornication
#sexualpurityambassador

24/05/18. MENTORING

Word Count
For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.

Today's Recipe
Having a mentor or role model is good, either close mentor or mentor from a distance.

The truth is, any mentor who is not following Christ Jesus can not help you, all such person will offer is human philosophy, which is limited.
The Wisdom of God is unlimited.
#John13:15
#Jesustakesthewheel
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#followChrist
#newsongontheway
#songsofvictory
#yearofvictory

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23/05/18. Examples

Word Count
"Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity."

Today's Recipe

This generation is on the look out for your words, conversations, actions, lifestyle, expressions, suggestions, faith and all.

Knowingly or unknowingly, you contribute something to those around you.

#1Timothy4:12
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#yearofvictory
gracedrelationshiprecipe@blogspot.com

22/05/18 ROLE MODELS

Word Count:
For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.

Today's Recipe
What virtue can others emulate from you as a person? Is your friendship to others an addition or division?

Role Models live exemplary lives.
Jesus taught us humility amongst others.

Add virtue to those around you.

#John:13:15
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#newsongsontheway
#yearofvictory
#forgiveothers

21/05/18 READY FOR HIS WILL?

"For this is the will of God, that you be sanctified [separated and set apart from sin]: that you abstain and back away from sexual immorality;"

Today's Recipe
Sexual purity is not a matter of age or status, it is THE WILL OF GOD.

#1THESSALONIANS4:3AMP
#anniesentcares
#newsongsmyway
#yearofvictory

gracedrelationshiprecipe.blogspot.com

18/05/18 Graced Relationship Recipe

Today's Recipe

ENSAMPLES

Word Count:
"And we must not engage in sexual immorality as some of them did, causing 23,000 of them to die in one day...All these events happened to THEM as EXAMPLES for US."

This passage of the Bible strucked my heart the first time I came across it and I ask today, "Do you want to be another example for the coming generations? Good or bad example?"

Flee from Sexual Immorality friends

#1Corinthians10:8,11
#anniesentcares
#yearofvictory
#songsofvictory
#SPAambassador

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17/05/18. Graced Relationship Recipe

Book Review
THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED

Word Count
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos:3:3

CONCLUSION
Time alone will not heal the relationship. Healing requires the decision to forgive. And forgiveness opens the door of the possibility of growth.

Question:
What if the other person who offended you does not apologize?

The most positive approach you can take is lovingly confront them with their offense and hope that they will apologize and you can forgive. If your first attempt fails, I suggest you make a second and third attempt. An apology says, "I value this relationship, and I want to deal with this problem."

The refusal to apologize says, "I do not value this relationship, and it's okay if we continue to be estranged." We cannot force an apology but we can extend the olive branch and express our willingness to forgive. If, in the final analysis, they are unwilling to restore this relationship, you may then release them to God and release your hurt and anger to Him. Don't allow their unwillingness to deal with the problem destroy your life. It takes two people people to build a positive, healthy relationship.

Note: There are no healthy marriages without sincere apologies and genuine forgiveness.

God help me to find it very easy to forgive.

That's the end of Chapter 6.

#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#bookreview
#garychapman
#yearofvictory
#timelyforgiveness
#bestill
#happynewday

16/05/18 Graced Relationship Recipe

Book Review
THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED

Word Count
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos:3:3

WHAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT
Forgiveness does not always result in reconciliation. Reconciliation here means, to bring back to harmony. Reconciliation requires working through differences, finding new ways of doing things, solving the conflicts of the past, and learning how to work together as a team. How long? It could take hours, some, months. For some, it requires the help of a professional counselor because two of them do not have the skills to rebuild their relationship.

What I am saying is that forgiveness does not automatically bring harmony in relationship. However, it does opens the possibility of reconciliation.

Forgiveness is the healthy response to an apology. If we choose not to forgive, then the barrier remains and the relationship is estranged.

Annie sent: Bible encourages us to forgive so that our heavenly father will forgive us.

We will round up chapter 6 tomorrow by God's grace.

#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#bookreview
#garychapman
#yearofvictory
#timelyforgiveness
#bestill
#happynewday

15/05/18 Graced Relationship Recipe

Book Review
THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED

Word Count
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos:3:3

WHAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT

Forgiveness is does not rebuild trust. A husband who had been sexually unfaithful to his wife later broke off the affair and apologized to his wife. She said to me in the counseling office, "I think I have forgiven him, but I don't trust him. That makes me to wonder if I have really forgiven him." The fact is, forgiveness does not automatically restore trust. Trust is that gut-level confidence that someone is a person of integrity. Trust in a relationship is destroyed when one partner is unfaithful. When you do not keep your commitment to me, I lose trust in you. I no longer have confidence that you will treat me fairly and honestly.
Forgiveness does not automatically restore trust, but forgiveness does open the door to the possibility that trust can be regained.
You have to change your behavior, be faithful and trustworthy.

Thanks for following, we should finish this chapter in a day or two.

To be Continued.
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#bookreview
#garychapman
#yearofvictory
#timelyforgiveness
#bestill
#happynewday

14/05/18 Graced Relationship Recipe

Book Review
THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED

Word Count
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos:3:3

WHAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT

FORGIVENESS DOES NOT DESTROY OUR MEMORY.

Continuing from where we stopped.

...How do we handle painful memories on our subconscious mind?
My suggestion is that you take them to God and say, "Father, you know what I am remembering and you know the feelings that I have. But thank you that all of that has been forgiven. Now help me to do something today that will enhance our relationship."
In this prayer you are affirming the decision to forgive and you are seeking to foster growth in the future.

Secondly, forgiveness does not remove all the consequences of wrongdoing.
For example, a mother has saved money for surgery. Her son steals it and spends on drugs. If he sincerely apologizes, she can forgive him but the money is still gone. A father abandons his wife and children. Twenty years time, he comes back to apologize. They can forgive him but it does not restore the twenty lost years.
All our behavior has consequences. positive behavior has positive consequences while negative has negative consequences. Forgiveness does not remove all the consequences of wrongdoing.
Thanks for following.

To be Continued.
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#bookreview
#garychapman
#yearofvictory
#timelyforgiveness
#bestill
#happynewday

11/05/18. Graced Relationship Recipe

Book Review
THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED

Word Count
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos:3:3

Chapter 6

Forgiveness is not a Feeling but a decision. We are instructed to forgive each other in the same way that God forgives us. It is a decision to offer grace instead of demanding justice. Forgiveness removes the barrier and opens the possibility for the relationship to grow.
Perhaps I could better explain forgiveness by sharing four things forgiveness does not do.

First, forgiveness does not destroy our memory. I have heard people say, "if you have not forgotten, you have not forgiveness." That statement is untrue. The human brain records every experience, good and bad, pleasant and unpleasant.

Human mind has two compartments. One is called conscious mind, and the other, the subconscious mind. The conscious mind is composed of those things that you are conscious of in this moment. For example, I am fully aware that at the moment I am sitting in a chair. The subconscious mind houses past experiences and stored in mental files.

Thanks for following.

To be Continued.
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#bookreview
#garychapman
#yearofvictory
#timelyforgiveness
#bestill
#happynewday

10/05/18 Graced Relationship Recipe

Book Review
THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED

Word Count
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos:3:3

Chapter 6
That Forgiveness is not a Feeling
In the last chapter we talked about how to apologize sincerely. In this chapter, we are talking about what it means to forgive.

In Jewish and Christian scriptures, there are three Hebrew words and four Greek word that are translated as forgive. They are synonyms with various shades of meaning. The most basic idea is 'to pardon' or 'to take away.'

When speaking of God forgiving us, the scriptures says, "As far as the rest is from the west, so far has (God) removed our transgressions from us." Forgiveness removes the barrier, and lifts the penalty.
No longer does God demand that we pay for our wrongdoing. When we sincerely apologize and request His forgiveness, He pardons us and will never again hold that failure against us.

To be Continued.
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#bookreview
#garychapman
#yearofvictory
#timelyforgiveness
#bestill
#happynewday

09/05/18 Graced Relationship Recipe

Book Review
THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED

Word Count
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos:3:3

Chapter 6
That Forgiveness is not a Feeling
Forgiveness presupposes that a wrong has been committed. Irritations do not call for forgiveness; rather, they call of r negotiation. However, when one of you speaks or behaves unkindly to the other, it calls for an apology and forgiveness if the relationship is to be restored.
There are minor offenses and major offenses but the process is always the same.
When one offends the other, an emotional barrier is erected between the two of us. The passing of time will never remove the barrier.
Barriers are removed by sincere apologies and genuine forgiveness.

To be Continued.
#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#bookreview
#garychapman
#yearofvictory
#timelyforgiveness
#bestill
#happynewday

08/05/18. Graced Relationship Recipe

Book Review
THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED

Word Count
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos:3:3

The Apology Language

Lastly, apology language includes 'Requesting Forgiveness'.

"Will you please forgive me?" These words are music to the ears of the person whose primary apology language is "requesting forgiveness." In their mind, if you are sincere you will ask them to forgive you. This is what an apology is all about. You have hurt them and they want to know, 'Do you want to remove the barrier that behavior has caused?" Requesting forgiveness is what touches their heart and rings of sincerity.

When couples learn how to apologize in a manner that is meaningful to the other person, they make forgiveness much easier.

#goodmorning
#apologylanguage
#bookreview
#garychapman
#yearofvictory
#sincereapologyforchange
#bestill
#happynewday

07/05/18. Graced Relationship Recipe

Book Review
THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED

Word Count
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos:3:3

The Apology Language
We will proceed to the fourth point. Kindly check out the third point on my Facebook page (Posted on May 4th).

GENUINELY EXPRESSING THE DESIRE TI CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR

This apology seeks to come up with a plan to keep the bad behavior from reoccurring. One man who "lost his temper again" said, "I don't like this about me. This is not good. I know I did the same thing last week. This has got to stop. You deserve better than this. Can you help me think what I can do to make sure that this doesn't happen again?"
His desire for change communicates to his wife that he is sincerely apologizing.

This couple decided that when he left himself getting "hot", he would take a walk and calm. When he came back in thirty minutes, he would say to her, "I love you so much and appreciate the time out. I don't ever want to lose my temper with you again. I appreciate you helping me overcome this."
In some people's eyes, if your apology does not include a desire to change your behavior, you have not truly apologized. Whatever else you say, they do not see it as being sincere. In their minds, you are really apologizing, you will seek to change your behavior.

#goodmorning
#apologylanguage
#bookreview
#garychapman
#yearofvictory
#sincereapologyforchange
#bestill
#happynewday

03/05/18. Graced Relationship Recipe

Book Review
THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED

Word Count
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos:3:3

The Apology Language

2) ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY: This apology begins with words "I was wrong," and then goes on to explain what was wrong about your behavior. For example, "I was wrong not to plan my afternoon so I could get home early."
The person whose primary apology language is "accepting responsibility" is waiting to hear you admit your behavior was wrong. For this person, saying "I'm sorry" will never sound like an apology. They want you to be willing to accept responsibility for what you did and said and acknowledge it was wrong.

We will continue with language 3 tomorrow as God helps, which is MAKING RESTITUTION.

Enjoy your day.

#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#bookreview
#garychapman
#yearofvictory
#monthofgrace
#acceptresponsibility

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02/05/18. Graced Relationship Recipe

Book Review
THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED

Word Count
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos:3:3

Apologizing is a Sign of Strength

What one person considers to be an apology is not what another person considers to be an apology.
Couples often miss each other in their effort to apologize.

THE APOLOGY LANGUAGES
1) Expressing Regret: "I am sorry" may well be  the first words in expressing this apology language. However, you need to tell what you are sorry for.
The words "I'm sorry ' spoken alone, are too general. For example, you might say, "I'm sorry that I came home an hour late. I know you've been waiting for me so we could go to the movie. I realize that we've already missed the first thirty minutes and you probably don't want to go now. I feel bad that I did not pay ore attention to the time. I got busy with work at the office. I can't blame anyone but myself. I feel like I have let you down big time."

The apology language is an emotional language. It is seeking to express to the other person your emotional pain that your words or behavior have hurt them deeply. If this is the apology language of your partner, anything short of this will seem empty to them.

#goodmorning
#anniesentcares
#bookreview
#garychapman
#yearofvictory
#monthofgrace
#apologizefromtheheart

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